Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
