Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
