There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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