...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize