...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize