Umm I'm too high to move.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
