He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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