There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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