Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
