Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize