Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize