i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
