very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My balls are so social today.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
