NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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