At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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