According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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