right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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