my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
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