I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
