Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
vagina is talking i cant
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
