I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
