Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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