we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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