She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
