It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
