I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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