It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
