and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
They took my balls.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize