There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
