I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Be still, my beating vagina.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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