I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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