I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Randomize
