i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So here I am, sexting at work.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
