Who did Billy Mays play for?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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