Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
