I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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