great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
