the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
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