Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize