I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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