he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
