Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
