You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
