just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
