Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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