Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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