update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I woke up under a house in Key West
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
