Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize