it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
