Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
