We named our party play list daddy issues
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
