Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
