You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
