I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
