drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
