do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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