weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
handjob tips. give me some.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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