Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
