my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just googled if crying burns calories
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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