have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
