Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
