At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
