I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
