think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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