idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
