You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
