my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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