so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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