Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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