Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
