I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
whose ass print is on the piano?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
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