Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
