if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
