I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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