I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
