Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
