I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My dick has a subreddit
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
