Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
