You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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