My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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