You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
