Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
