He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
