I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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