What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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