I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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