there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
