Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
