Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize