I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
