What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize