I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
