a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
