There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
